The Myth of "Sexual Incompatibility"

In graduate school, while studying to become a therapist, I learned that couples fight about predictable issues on which the partners' views differ: parenting, finances, sex, household chores, extended family (like in-laws), and a few scattered other things. I was also taught that while the couple may tell you their fight is about the kids or money or even sex, it’s really about a bigger issue or dynamic, one that’s more subtle and difficult for most couples to identify. Bigger issues can include themes of power and control, autonomy, closeness vs. distance, and boundaries, for example.

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